dealing with challenging emotions
When emotions run high it can be difficult to emotionally regulate, sit with the discomfort, and not jump towards reacting. We might also choose to suppress our feelings or label them as “bad” or “negative”. Common triggers that might elicit intense emotions often stem from stressful situations like major life changes, the loss of a loved one, pressures at work, relationship struggles, or financial difficulties. It might also stem from unmet needs, trauma or unresolved past events, it could be physical such as stemming from a lack of sleep, it could be entirely situational like being in a crowded space, or environmental such as living in chaotic circumstances. Remember, emotions, and the range with which they can be experienced throughout our lives, are all part of the human experience.
Here are some techniques for managing intense emotions that might pop up for us:
Use the STOPP Technique: The STOPP technique stands for Stop (what you’re doing), Take a breath, Observe (what you're feeling), Pull back (to recognize thoughts are thoughts, not statements of fact), and Proceed mindfully (with intention rather than reacting impulsively, practicing what will be helpful and appropriate to you right in this moment). This technique allows us to create distance between distressing thoughts and feelings, and reduce the physical reaction of the intense emotion.
Engage in an Activity: What will bring you comfort or happiness in this moment? For example, exercise releases tension as well as endorphins, otherwise known as the feel-good hormone, which can help improve mood and reduce emotional distress. Exercise also helps regulate cortisol, the body’s stress hormone. Engage in a hobby that will provide you with enough of a break to cool down and gain clarity into the situation at hand.
Develop a Self-Care Practice: Activities like listening to relaxing music, taking a warm bath, or practicing deep breathing can help regulate intense feelings. You can also utilize your emergency self-care plan to help you identify what you need in this moment that has helped you in the past (this was a WWT a few weeks back and you can find a template for it under “Resources”).
Connect: Depending on what you need at this moment, whether it be comfort, affirmation, a good laugh, a cry, or just a distraction you might choose to spend time with a trusted family member or friend, mentor, or therapist*. Connecting with those who are supportive increases oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone”, which lowers stress and enhances emotional well-being. *Seeking the guidance of a therapist can be beneficial when your emotions are interfering with daily functioning, overall well-being or your relationships, when you feel stuck in anger/sadness/anxiety, or if you’re using unhealthy or maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Practice a Grounding Exercise: Focus on the present moment instead of catastrophizing or identifying your intense emotions as “bad”. You can do this by meditating, practicing breathwork (try the 4-7-8 breathing technique – inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8), or simply engage your senses by eating something sour, holding something cold, listening to calming sounds like birdsong, or focusing on the feeling of your feet on grass. Fun fact about grounding work: Did you know that slow, controlled breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing stress and lowering the heart rate? This counteracts the body's stress response which is driven by the sympathetic nervous system. Grounding exercises also engage the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate emotions by interpreting situations rationally, counteracting the amygdala which reacts to emotional stimuli and triggering fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses.
Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that emotions are temporary (impermanence reminds us that “this too shall pass”) and that struggling doesn’t mean failing. Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend experiencing the same intense emotions.
~Kate
