practicing self-compassion
Have you heard of the practice of self-compassion and the science behind it?
Self-compassion allows us to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we would offer a close friend and moving closer to accepting yourself with understanding and care. When we face challenges or make mistakes, we often criticize ourselves (sometimes harshly), forgetting that imperfection is part of being human and that, if a loved one faced the same challenge or made the same mistake, we would likely be much more compassionate and empathetic.
Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneer in this area and defines self-compassion as having three key elements: self-kindness (which reminds us to focus on developing a healthier relationship with ourself rather than treating ourselves harshly), mindfulness (which anchors us in the present moment and encourages us to observe instead of over-identify with difficult emotions), and common humanity (which reminds us we are all in this together and being fallible is part of the human experience).
The science behind self compassion reinforces how transformative it can be. Research shows that self-compassion activates our parasympathetic nervous system (“soothing system”), which helps deactivate the amygdala (in charge of flight, fight, freeze or fawn), reduce stress hormones like cortisol and activate the release of oxytocin, the “happiness hormone”. It also enhances our emotional resilience, or ability to bounce back, after a challenging situation. This helps improve mental health and lowers levels of anxiety, fear, and perfectionism. The research also dispels the myth that self-criticism boosts motivation which drives success. Rather, self-compassion fosters intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation which supports long-term perseverance.
Here are some journal prompts to help support you during challenging moments and to practice self-compassion:
What would I say to a friend who was having as tough a time as I might be having right now?
How can I show myself compassion and kindness today?
What are three things I appreciate/respect/love about myself?
How can I reframe mistakes from the lens of self-compassion?
~Kate
