Dealing with Rejection

Rejection hurts and, since we are social beings by nature, it can be incredibly painful to feel like we're not wanted. In fact, MRI studies have found that rejection elicits brain activity in multiple neural regions that process physical pain. This means the more we value the relationship or the desire to be included the more painful the feeling of rejection - emotionally and physically.

Here are a few steps to take or consider the next time you are feeling rejected:
1.) We all experience rejection and the feelings associated with rejection. In fact, there’s an evolutionary basis that speaks to why we desperately need other people to accept us. According to Lori Gottlieb (psychotherapist and author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone), our need for connection traces way back to ancient history, when humans relied on being in groups to survive. "When somebody rejects us, there's a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival” (Gottlieb, 2019)

2.) Take some time to practice self-care and self-compassion. Ask yourself: "What will make me feel safe/better/happy in this moment?” Physical activities like exercising, going for a run, doing yoga, or practicing meditation can help you get in a balanced place to think more clearly about the situation.

3.) Some things aren’t meant to be and rejection can lead to positive change (rejection = redirection). Rejection can steer us towards alternative paths or opportunities we may not have considered before. It opens new doors and allows us to explore different options or directions in life.

4.) Aim to grow from the experience. Try to look at the situation objectively. Is there something you can learn from this? For example, if someone passed you over for a job opportunity, seek constructive feedback to help you identify areas where you can improve.

5.) Affirm your self-worth. "The first thing a lot of people do when they get rejected is to be unkind to themselves, and they start coming up with all kinds of ideas about what's wrong with them” (Gottlieb, 2019). To affirm your self-worth, write down some things that are positive about yourself by making a list of some of your strengths and values.

6.) It’s also important to stay connected with your loved ones. "Connection is so important because it reminds us of all the things that we can't remember in that moment: It reminds us of how lovable we are … that people care about us … that we're worthy” (Gottlieb, 2019).

7.) Last, but not least, remember that rejection happens to everyone. Vincent Van Gogh, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and Steve Jobs all experienced rejection in their lives, but didn’t let it stop them from pushing forward with their goals.

How do you deal with feelings of rejection?

~Kate