the second score
A guarantee in life is that things may not always go to plan, but I think what matters most is how we respond to a situation that goes sideways. One of my favourite concepts, and one I highlight in my classes on mindset, is that of the second score, a concept coined by Tom Barrett. While we can't always control the first score (an event or situation that happens to us), we have influence over the second score, which is our reaction, mindset, reframe, and actions moving forward. This is so important, because it helps us manage stress and build resilience, or bounce back, over time.
Here are 3 strategies you might find helpful when it comes to improving your “second score”:
1. Pause and Reflect in Order to Reframe: Take a moment to step back from the situation instead of reacting instantaneously. This helps you avoid reacting impulsively and gives you space to reflect, and then choose a less reactive, and more proactive, response. Shift your perspective by viewing the challenge as an opportunity to grow or learn. You might ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?” or “What’s within my control here?” I am a big fan of reframing because it is a hallmark of cognitive reappraisal, which involves finding the positive in a negative situation. It allows you to recognize the growth opportunities in the situation that can be so expansive and focus on what is within your control versus what is out of your control. This also helps you focus on solutions rather than dwelling on the problem itself.
2. Practice Gratitude: Focus on what went well or helped you learn something about yourself, even if the overall outcome wasn’t ideal or what you had expected. Practicing gratitude is about noticing glimmers, or positive things that make us feel safe, calm and happy, and which activate our parasympathetic nervous system. What might seem insignificant or go regularly unnoticed can very often change the entire trajectory of a day. For example, if I am having a “bad” day, the act of going outside for a walk, hearing the birds sing, and enjoying my favourite cup of tea will bring me joy. When we intentionally practice gratitude, we are engaging in a practice called neuroplasticity which is the brain's ability to form and strengthen new neural pathways (neuro=brain; plasticity=moldable). By repeatedly noticing and appreciating the things around us, we can train our brain to become more attuned to positive experiences rather than negative ones and, over time, this rewiring can help us build resilience and change how we respond to challenges.
3. Seek Support and Another Perspective: One of the greatest benefits of positive relationships is that they provide a safe space and landing pad for when difficult situations or emotions pop up for us. Share your experience, thoughts, and feelings with someone you trust who will listen. They may be able to share an additional perspective that can help uplift you or even inspire you to take something positive away from a challenging experience.
~Kate
