reflection vs rumination
You’ve most likely heard the terms reflection and rumination. While both involve thinking about past experiences, they differ significantly in terms of outcome and direction. I like to think of both as the opposite side of the same coin. I define reflection as the process of thinking back on experiences to gain insight, to learn, and to grow. It encourages curiosity, helps build emotional intelligence, and provides opportunities to build and enhance problem solving skills. Rumination, on the other hand, is repetitive, more passive than active as it focuses on distress, and often involves overthinking negative events without moving toward resolution. It is cyclical, harsh, emotionally and mentally draining, focuses on mistakes, is judgemental (its foundation is shame and regret), and unproductive.
So, how can we shift from rumination to reflection? Here are a few steps that can help:
1. Ask “What can I learn from this experience?” instead of “Why am I like this?” or turning to judgment: “I’m so stupid”. This helps us to reframe our internal dialogue and encourages us to get curious about what has hurt us (and why) and what can we learn from this? Questions like this helps us shift our mindset from self-criticism to self-awareness.
2. Write your thoughts down to clarify why you’re ruminating on them in the first place. Start with brain dump to get them off your mind and on paper. Writing externalizes our thoughts and helps us shift from emotional reactivity to getting to the heart of why we are ruminating and identifying how we can start problem-solving.
3. Challenge negative self-talk with evidence. Rumination thrives on shame and guilt, so let us ask ourselves, “What’s the evidence this thought is/is not true?” and “What would I say to a friend thinking this way?” Chances are you would tell your friend they are their thoughts and mistakes. Why not treat ourselves with that same kindness?
4. Set time limits for introspection. Reflection can become rumination when it’s excessive and unfocused. Schedule time to process your feelings and any intrusive thoughts. This strategy trains your brain to approach introspection with intention.
5. Focus on action. Reflection should lead to insight and change (and application of a growth mindset). Rumination tends to dwell on problems and pain without resolving them. You can start this process by asking yourself, “What can I do differently next time?” “What’s within my control next time?” “What strengths can I use here to help me?” This helps us reframe setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow as opposed to a sign of failure.
How do you approach reflection vs rumination?
~Kate
